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Divorced

At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.

Unknown

I got married on August 20, 2011. Five years later I got divorced. Today would have been our eighth wedding anniversary. I have finally gotten to the stage where I rarely ever think about my marriage. Every once in a while, I think about how my ex or his mother are doing. But something usually triggers those thoughts. Its usually certain foods or something I heard on a podcast. Lately I have been thinking more about my marriage. I don’t miss my ex. I know that I made the correct decision to get divorced. I miss how my life was when I was married. Companionship was obviously great but that isn’t necessarily what I miss either. I feel like friendships vanished overnight. And some did in a way. But those were friendships that were mostly connected to him. They weren’t MY friends. They were HIS. 

I’m 31 years old so most of my friends are now married with children or in committed relationships. I don’t have any single friends. After the divorce, I remember a relative asking me if I had any single friends. I didn’t comprehend at the time what that meant. I just told her no and immediately forgot. How do single people make friends? I was married and therefore seemed to be surrounded by others that were either married or in committed relationships. I never really noticed. And now I’m lonely all of the time. 

I miss having friends.

32

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I turned 32 last week. My family took me to dinner. I got some fun presents. My sister made me a cookie cake.

I was dreading my birthday. The past few years have been like that. I’m not depressed about being old. I’m just depressed in general. And the fact that I am so unhappy at age 32 is just ridiculous. I know that I’m not supposed to compare myself to others. But it is so hard. I see people all around me that are 32 and have everything figured out.

I have a plan to get myself out of this funk. I’m going to move to Los Angeles. It takes so much money and planning though. I’m being as patient as I can. That’s all that I can really do.

Goals for next week:

  • Yoga – You felt so much better when you stuck with it!
  • Continue writing – You are never going to improve if you avoid writing!

I’m finally doing this…

My name is Hope and I have started a blog.

I use to blog and journal constantly when I was younger. There was a point in my life when I really wanted to be a writer. But somewhere along the way I completely lost my confidence in writing.

I am hoping that by committing myself to a paid blog that I will improve my writing skills. I am in the process of making major life changes and I know that writing will help me. I often find myself living in my own head but I need to get it out from time to time.

I’m starting this blog because I need to improve myself. There will not be a theme or a trend to my posts. Sometimes they will be about a great book or movie I recently absorbed. Sometimes it will be generic day to day events. Sometimes it will be about my crippling anxiety or depression.

I invite any advise and criticisms from other bloggers.

This is me.