At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.Unknown
I got married on August 20, 2011. Five years later I got divorced. Today would have been our eighth wedding anniversary. I have finally gotten to the stage where I rarely ever think about my marriage. Every once in a while, I think about how my ex or his mother are doing. But something usually triggers those thoughts. Its usually certain foods or something I heard on a podcast. Lately I have been thinking more about my marriage. I don’t miss my ex. I know that I made the correct decision to get divorced. I miss how my life was when I was married. Companionship was obviously great but that isn’t necessarily what I miss either. I feel like friendships vanished overnight. And some did in a way. But those were friendships that were mostly connected to him. They weren’t MY friends. They were HIS.
I’m 31 years old so most of my friends are now married with children or in committed relationships. I don’t have any single friends. After the divorce, I remember a relative asking me if I had any single friends. I didn’t comprehend at the time what that meant. I just told her no and immediately forgot. How do single people make friends? I was married and therefore seemed to be surrounded by others that were either married or in committed relationships. I never really noticed. And now I’m lonely all of the time.
I miss having friends.
Fitness is not about being better than someone else. It’s about being better than you used to be.Unknown
I’ve had a good week. It’s pretty amazing how far eating healthy can take you. I had been eating like garbage ever since Paw Paw died. I felt bloated, tired all of the time and pimples were popping up like crazy. I haven’t had a real issue with ache in years so I knew my diet and depression were having a real impact on me.
I have finally gotten back into the swing of running! I have done 2 miles every morning for the past week. I feel so much better if I’ve gone for a run. And I’m trying to improve my speed and distance every time I run. I need to get back into doing yoga a few times a week to keep my anxiety down. It also helps with running because of the stretching element.
I went to my local library and got a library card on Sunday. I was inspired to do so by the Reading Glasses podcast. I primarily read graphic novels and books digitally and listen to audio books. I learned about the Hoopla and Overdrive app on the podcast. I wish I had known how much money I could have saved by simply having a library card!
I feel like I have fallen in love with reading again. And I am crazy excited about the books I have lined up for October. I actually got so excited I went ahead and started reading one of my spooky reads. I started We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson. I read The Haunting of Hill House years ago and it terrified me.
- Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury (this will be the 2nd time I’ve read this)
- Five Midnights by Ann Davila Cardinal (I’m reading this for the Reading Glasses book club)
- Meddling Kids by Edgar Cantero
- Swan Song by Robert R. McCammon
- In The Tall Grass by Stephen King & Joe Hill
- 30 Days of Night by Steve Niles & Ben Templesmith (I have lost count of how many times I’ve read these. I reread the first three books every year)
Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.Ralph Waldo Emerson
I turned 32 last week. My family took me to dinner. I got some fun presents. My sister made me a cookie cake.
I was dreading my birthday. The past few years have been like that. I’m not depressed about being old. I’m just depressed in general. And the fact that I am so unhappy at age 32 is just ridiculous. I know that I’m not supposed to compare myself to others. But it is so hard. I see people all around me that are 32 and have everything figured out.
I have a plan to get myself out of this funk. I’m going to move to Los Angeles. It takes so much money and planning though. I’m being as patient as I can. That’s all that I can really do.
Goals for next week:
- Yoga – You felt so much better when you stuck with it!
- Continue writing – You are never going to improve if you avoid writing!
My name is Hope and I have started a blog.
I use to blog and journal constantly when I was younger. There was a point in my life when I really wanted to be a writer. But somewhere along the way I completely lost my confidence in writing.
I am hoping that by committing myself to a paid blog that I will improve my writing skills. I am in the process of making major life changes and I know that writing will help me. I often find myself living in my own head but I need to get it out from time to time.
I’m starting this blog because I need to improve myself. There will not be a theme or a trend to my posts. Sometimes they will be about a great book or movie I recently absorbed. Sometimes it will be generic day to day events. Sometimes it will be about my crippling anxiety or depression.
I invite any advise and criticisms from other bloggers.
This is me.